Inside My Brain...

non-blogger girl

2006-02-16T22:12:00.000-06:00

hey everyone - check out the blog I actually use, if you're interested.

http://blog.myspace.com/musical_fiasco

2005-10-30T21:42:00.000-06:00

Originally uploaded by musical_fiasco.

Just thought I'd throw up one of my pictures from the grafitti wall here in ottawa, because it makes me happy. check out some more of my favourites I've taken here!

http://flickr.com/photos/31116901@N00/

you can take the girl out of the country, but...

2005-10-05T18:02:00.000-05:00

every time I hear sirens I still, or at least get and overwhelming urge to, run out on to my balcony and see what's going on. haha. sitting here about 2 minutes ago that just happened, and I tried SO hard NOT to because I was like "no way. I live in the city now. this is sound completely normal. I should just keep doing what I'm doing like nothing's going on like the city people" haha, but I ended up outside looking to see what was going on. I am so hopelessly from the country, and I love it! hehe.

GAH!!

2005-09-29T15:44:00.000-05:00

I keep getting junk-mail comments!!! people, do NOT advertise in my comment section! arrrgh!

So today I am tired... hehe. I slept until 2pm (I went to bed at 5am...). I get to go to work again at 6. Yesterday wasn't too bad. There weren't too many staff in so I wasn't feeling overwhelmed. I did come home completely exhausted though, and didn't want to move much. But then Becky and I watched David Blane on tv, and I got to talk to Marissa on the phone until 4. Then I worked some more on my website until I finally went to bed (check it out! www.freewebs.com/musical_fiasco). Now I'm making myself some delicious perogies and once again counting the hours until I go to work(1 hour and 40 minutes).

It is REALLY windy outside today! The wond coming through my window inenormous gusts woke me up, so I had to get up and shut my window because I couldn't get back to sleep. I feel like our little apartment on the 22nd floor is probably swaying in the wind, hehe. Scary.

Cranky day

2005-09-28T14:47:00.000-05:00

I'm really cranky today. How is it that the days seem to change SO dirastically from one to the next? Yesterday was GREAT. Very relaxing, and just very very good. Then today I can't do anything right. *sigh* I am still nervous to go into work. I get like this every time I'm new at something. I hate when I don't know exactly what I'm doing and where I fit. It's just stressful. So every day that I have to work I am counting down the hours with butterflies in my stomach. It's not that I don't know how to do the job, we all know I do, but it's just the fact that I don't know exactly how things work yet. I don't know how the people work.

Becky's cats are trying to get out of the apartment...! Toby, who already escaped down the hall when I was coming back from doing laundry, is scratching under the door trying to escape and meowing SO loudly. He even has Teddy meowing..... hah. Goodness.

So I work at 5 until 1am.. Until then I'll sit here and pray that work won't be too bad today, and I'll feel a little more comfortable there this time.

orange and red crinoline

2005-09-19T15:17:00.000-05:00

she called this morning at 6am - 12am her time. I thought it was just a normal phone call. the fact that we are so far apart in extremely different time zones makes calling at this time in the morning almost normal. we talked for a little while, as I tried to wake up and form coherant sentences. we were talking about an email I had written her the other night, and then during a thoughtful pause all of a sudden she asks "Jen. Do you wear orange?" since that's her favourite colour I just laughed and said "well.. sometimes" Then she says "would you wear it for me?" and I laughed again, and told her I would figuring she was going to send me a shirt from Hawaii or something. Then she says "Do you wear red?" again.. laughter, then me saying that I do sometimes "would you wear it for me?" haha, and once again I say I would - getting a little confused, but just assuming it is normal silly Marissa. Then she says "would you wear those colours for your maid of honour dress in my wedding?" ......*pause*.......... "WHAT?!! AHHHHH!! Of COURSE I would!!!!!!!" *much girly screaming ensued* (or as much as I could at 6am, not wanting to wake Becky). So then she preceeds to tell me the whole story of her engagement which had only happened a couple hours before she called. She called her family, then me! So we talked until the sun was completely up and te city was alive, and until her phone was about to die. Marissa - my mest friend - is getting married...! to a guy I've never met, no less. I am going to Hawaii to be in her wedding next summer. This is insane! We are growing up...

days like these...

2005-09-09T19:13:00.000-05:00

I love the days when I take pictures. I headed out this afternoon not with those intentions, but that's how this wonderful day ended up. Today I actually felt like I lived here, not that I was just visiting. Walking down the streets I can now go on without looking at a map, and every single street name, I headed toward the Museum of Contemporary Photography, as I have been planning to do since day one. I paid the $4 to be blown away by a photographer named Michael Semak who has taken pictures in Canada and all over the world of every day life in the 60's and 70's, and captured such incredible beauty.... oh man. It was inspiring. I was at times grinning from ear to ear, and sometimes almost at the point of tears from the images he had captured. So when I left the museum, naturally the first thing I did was pull out my camera, seeing everythng in a different light and wanting to capture it all. I'm hoping they turned out ok, because I don't have a digital camera anymore, and my film one was acting kind of strange.. But if they do come out, I think I got a few great shots today. I'm really excited to see them. So since then I have just kind of been walking around in my happy spacey bubble that I get in sometimes, taking everything in, and really looking at my surroundings, and the people I passed by. *sigh*

I was thinking of you today. You help me see the beauty in life even from far away, and you help bring the smiles to my face.

Check out some of Michael Semak's stuff on this online gallery. The few that are there are hardely enough to get a great appreciation for it, but it's a start: http://www.artdaily.com/section/photogallery/index.asp?int_sec=210&p=1&id=271

been a while

2005-09-06T12:40:00.000-05:00

about time I update my blog, I suppose. I haven't been too articulate lately. at least in all 3 of my blogs, lol. umm, so I'm in Ottawa now. It is so beautiful here! I compared on the weather network and the weather here is almost the same as it is in California! Minus a few degrees here and there. Beautiful beautiful. The people here are so friendly (except at wal-mart! look out!!) I am getting really REALLY stressed about not having a job yet though. I called both places yesterday and didn't get any further than before I called. Fortunately one of my good friends at home is a supervisor at Delta Brunswick, and I was talking to her today and she said she was going to see what she could do about it. So life here is pretty slow right now. I sit at home stressing about not working and being lonely while Becky is at work for her insane 12 hour day of manual labour. there is only so much I can do to entertain myself in one day! ahh well. I can't wait to start working, and making money and having something productive to do with my time, and be making friends! gah!!

The Lowdown

2005-08-28T23:07:00.000-05:00

So, I think it is safe to say that today, and this entire weekend passed, has been pretty frickin great. I had a bonfire with some friends from work on Friday, and that was SO fun. Oceans, guitars and cameras. What else do you need to have a good time with people you spend almost every day with? I'm going to miss those guys. Tomorrow's my last shift. Then Saturday I worked, and ended up staying in town again (I stayed in after the bonfire, because we were done around 4am. so my friend patti took me in so I didn't have to make the 1/2 hour voyage home in my wide open jeep. haha) because the jeep wouldn't start. So I called poor Becky at 3am asking if I could crash there, and then in the morning I got up, put on the same pair of clothes for the 3rd day in a row and went to church. There we got prayed for (SO good) and a little gift from the church to get some groceries! Woohoo!! After church we all met up and went out for lunch at Cora's. That was great, too. Got some fun pics that I'll post below - I still don't know how to put a slideshow on here... After that Brit came over and we bbq-ed, jeeped, and walked around with cameras (again, a necessity) and laughed our butts off when dad accidently called the fire dept. and 3 trucks and about 5 firemen showed up at our house, sirens blazing. Of course all the neighbours showed up as well, and by tomorrow the entire Island and all their extended family will have heard about it. haha. Now I am in my room bracing myself for another round of packing - seeing that I really do need to start this at some point, considering my next 2 days are scheduled full! guh. lovely lovely. I am so excited to go, but so scared!

2005-08-28T21:44:00.000-05:00

Us on the fire truck that came to our imaginary fire...

2005-08-28T21:40:00.000-05:00

Me and Judah posing for the camera

2005-08-28T21:38:00.000-05:00

Britta and I

2005-08-28T21:34:00.000-05:00

Ryan and Beck at Cora's

2005-08-28T21:27:00.000-05:00

The guys at the bonfire

2005-08-26T14:39:00.000-05:00

5 days. This is almost beginning to seem real.

home ....sweet? home...

2005-08-22T09:10:00.000-05:00

So, I'm home from boston, sitting here waiting to go to work. kinda crazy how quickly things go back to normal. it was definately my favourite birthday I've ever had, so far. spent with one of my favourite people in her city doing fun things. it was great. if I can ever figure out how to get a slideshow on here, I'll do it, but for now this link will have to due - http://community.webshots.com/album/429943202KNBBdy

hmm... I hope this day is over soon. I'm tired, and all emotional. I miss people way too easily. *sigh*

Boston, here I come!

2005-08-18T13:23:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to meeeeeee!!

Heading out on the town in Boston to do fun things, shortly!! Can't wait!

the Traveller

2005-08-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

(is that how you spell traveller? it doesn't look right to me...)

so, I'm off to Maine tomorrow, bright and early! I am excited. brie's here right now playing guitar on my bed, and we are about to go for a little swim in my lake (note the time... heheh) and a bonfire, and then to sleep because we have a list of things to do before we leave SJ tomorrow at noon. I am so excited. this is going to be a good week.

so, all this to say - I will be away for a week. hope you don't miss me too much, lol. LATER!

2005-08-12T20:03:00.000-05:00

Arrrrr!!

2005-08-12T20:00:00.000-05:00

Nerd

2005-08-12T19:59:00.000-05:00

Sarah the pirate

2005-08-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

Suave

2005-08-12T19:56:00.000-05:00

Punk rockers

I love Gregg Finley

2005-08-12T03:16:00.000-05:00

A little blurb written by one of my most respected profs at SSU:

Recently, a friend told me of a CBC interview with Alan Jones, the Dean of Grace Cathedral (Episcopal) in San Francisco. Dean Jones said, “The opposite of faith is not doubt; the opposite of faith is certainty.” Ponder that!

Most of us crave certainty in the world around us: in our family-life, church-life, work-life. But often we face just the opposite, and so the struggle continues.

I keep on bumping into the truth of Dean Jones’ statement. It comes up in conversations with friends. It resonates with the stuff I’m reading. It speaks directly into to my own life and to the quality of life at St. Stephen’s University.

And it is consistent with Jesus’ teachings: “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:21-22)

This morning I came upon this paragraph by C.S. Lewis:
“The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, he has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and pose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bath or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”[The Problem of Pain, (1940) p. 103]

May those reading this find “pleasant inns” of-the-Spirit during the Summer of ‘05.

A Day In The Life

2005-08-12T00:57:00.000-05:00

So, today was pretty routine. I got up at 12, ate lunch, read a bit, got nagged at by mom until she forced me to leave before I blew up at her. She doesn't talk to me anymore - just naggs. Got to work at set up for a wedding, which took 5 hours, came home, got nagged at some more so I escaped to my room where I booked Brie's room for Saturday and and Sunday, and am now trying to keep quiet so mom doesn't come down here to "talk."

Today is one of those days where I am just a complete emotional rollercoaster. I am in a great mood, then I'm all emotional, then I'm ok again, and then I'm not. Gah. Oh well, what can you do? There's too much to try to explain. Let's just say I feel a song building up that I'll need to get out of me soon.

Ok, time for beddy - or at least that's what I'll tell myself. Day off tomorrow - thank God.

Maritime Pride

2005-08-11T05:03:00.000-05:00

One more random thought before I go to bed. Yesterday as I was at work setting up for today's functions, we had the Maritime music cranked up and were all dancing around and singing like fools (ooh the Delta Brunswick crew, how I'm going to miss you) I found myself wondering if I am going to become one of those wildly patriotic Maritimers who spend all their time writing songs about drinking in Nova Scotia, and wearing kilts, and becoming overly obsessive about everything to do with the coast. Hah, I know it won'tbe that bad, but I think tha if Ontario people make fun of NB I might just have to kick them in the teeth! hehe. Or I could totally conform - who knows? haha. No, that will never happen. I will miss the ocean too much and will likely end up writing a song about it.

Does anyone else see this going in circles??

The Backstabber

2005-08-11T03:56:00.000-05:00

So here it is, my first offocial "blogger" post. I almost feel like I'm betraying an old friend, haha. I am a blurty girl - but I've decided that this one will be my practical journal, and the other will remain my emotional/gushy/poetic one, hehe.

So, nothing much happened today. I woke up to the phone at 10:30, and it was work telling me that I didn't have to come in until 5 which was a nice suprise since I was going to be rushed if I still had to go at 2. So I left the house at 2, and did some stuff in town then I was off to work where I stayed until 10:30. Pretty short shift today. They are hard-pressed to find hours for us this month. With the exception of Saturdays when we usually have 2 weddings going on, there's really nothing else.

As usual, my thoughts were mostly consumed with plans for Ottawa, and all the people I need to see before I go/the first couple days I'm there. It's so sad that as soon as I move to where like half of my school lives, they are all coming back down here. *sigh* What can you do? I am getting really excited about going though. Honestly, a couple weeks ago I was freaking out, and terrified and considering backing out on going but then I talked to my friend Amber from school, and she put everything back into perspective for me. See - What I want to do with my life is go to Africa. That is the one goal I am 100% certain of, and for a minute I was like "What the heck am I doing??! I need to stay here and make money and just get to Africa as soon as I can! I can't go to Ottawa for a year!!" but without going into all the details, Amber calmed me down and helped me realize it was going to be ok, and that God wouldn't hate me for going here for a while. Who knows what will happen, or how long I'll end up staying! I am excited.

That's all for now. I need to go to bed! Goodnight.